Keeping Your Sanity-The 80/20 Rule

Everyone who knows me, knows that I am a researcher. I take full advantage of the internet in an attempt to gain a healthy balanced approach to life, especially in regards to baby care and parenting. Before my first born arrived, I focused most of my research on the pregnancy itself, natural birth, and breastfeeding as those were my top priorities. As far as baby care, I guessed that there was little that I could prepare for outside of how to change diapers, swaddle, and basic health issues to watch for.

My plan for him was simply to follow my instincts and his cues when it came to all his needs. How hard could that be? I imagined that we would develop a flow, a pattern that we would just fall into together. Like a dance between two souls, learning and growing together. Sounds lovely and fool-proof, doesn't it? (I thought so too!) Two weeks into our journey together, I began to learn that my baby was not falling into anything except a vicious cycle of discomfort from my over supply of milk, over tiredness, unrestorative naps, frequent night waking, and on it went.

I could literally write you a book on how he was and what we walked through together, as well as how we "fixed" it. And eventually, via this blog, I will! But for now I am going to work toward the point-the title of this post. Needless to say, I was quickly losing my mind. I was operating on NO sleep, and my baby was not as happy as he could be the way things were going. I was determined to learn and apply as much as I could to try to affect our lives for the best.

A lot of people advised me against doing so much research. They told me that it was never this hard for them. They went with the flow and it worked just fine for their babies. They had never seen a baby stay awake as long as mine would, and then refuse to sleep. They never saw a baby nurse so much and still act hungry. Well, I surmised that I had a one in a million baby that deserved better care than what I could give him going about it '"naturally." So onto the internet I went! And  lo and behold, I found out I was not alone! There is board after blog after forum after site that proves that A LOT of parents out there were having the same challenges that we were! I felt relieved and hopeful, at last. And began my gleaning of information ranging from Attachment Parenting to Babywise.

Fast forward to 7.5 months later when we found out we were expecting another precious bundle. Immediately I knew how different my plan would be with her. One of the wonderful nuggets of advice I received was I believe from The Baby Whisperer. She has a motto: Begin in the way in which you intend to go. That really stuck with me when I read it and I decided that with my daughter we would do just that. Phew! What a relief! Things were going to be so much easier with the second one...

Then she was born...And you know what? She, like my son, is an individual! She is human. She changes day to day. She has needs and wants and feelings that cannot be met or validated the same way every time. There is no mold that she can fit into perfectly, and certainly no one book that has all the answers. As you know, I am all for scheduling, planning and optimizing. But not all day, every day, will your baby fall into your schedule. There are several things that will cause a hiccup in your plan and find the rest of the day way off mark.

In my desperate attempt to maintain what little sanity I had left I developed the 80/20 rule:

Stick with the plan for you and your baby 80% of the time. So when she bucks the system, you can feel just fine the 20% of the time that you are doing "whatever it takes" to get through the day or night!

Here is what my notebook paper on the 80/20 Rule looks like:

1. Devise a flexible schedule for you and your baby with the goal being : He gets all the nourishment and all the sleep he personally needs to thrive and be happy! (See my post on Newborn Schedule for an outline of what we were shooting for each day and notice the section on how our day really looked.)

2. As you encounter problems (for example short naps) decide what remedy(ies) you are comfortable with for example how many times will you replace the pacifier? Will you allow crying, and if so how much?

3. Stick to the schedule and your predetermined remedies at least 80% of the time, leaving you 20% flexibility to just get through to the next day.

The fear of creating habits (namely sleep props and associations) that would ultimately rob my baby of the sleep that she needed to grow and develop optimally would have ruled my life. Being afraid to nurse her back to sleep when "it wasn't time to eat again", offer her a pacifier, or lay her down completely asleep instead of "sleepy but awake" would have driven me mad. Not to mention that never allowing yourself and your baby these natural remedies goes against instinct. However, the 80/20 Rule saved me from the brink of Nutty Mama on a Fast Sled to Crazy Town! In using this rule you can have your schedule, and botch it too!

Be sure and write me with any questions. I would love to help you set up a schedule for your little one and a plan for moving through each day with your precious bundle of joy.

The Witching Hour

Have you heard about it yet-the infamous witching hour? Let's add this BIGGIE to the list of Nobody Told Me About THAT! I don't want you googling "baby crying for hours in the evening" while one is on your shoulder doing just that. So let's get this little doozy out in the open before your precious one comes home with you.

What is it? The Witching Hour is the name given to the evening fussiness and hours of crying phenomenon that many infants experience. The general definition of the witching hour is:

• A period of time during evening hours that your baby cries inconsolably and is unable to sleep for all his crying. 
• It is noted to generally begin around 2-3 weeks of age, 
• peak around 6-8 weeks of age, 
• and disappear by 3-4 months. 
• It is also most often noted to occur between the hours of 6pm-10pm. 
• It may happen every night, or less often. 
• It might start in the early weeks and last a few months, 
• or start later and last only a few weeks.
•  It may be just a couple hours each time or it may be several hours. 

I have heard that not all babies experience the witching hour. My Son, was very fussy off and on throughout the day. In hind sight we understand that he probably had some tummy issues due to my over-supply which was not diagnosed until he was about three months old. Because his discomfort was a factor in his very poor napping, he was typically very tired by around 7pm in the early weeks, and even earlier as the months passed. He would usually go to sleep in the evenings and wake only for feedings within the expected parameters. So I would say he did not experience the witching hour.

However, our daughter taught us all about it! Just as the definition suggests, right around 2.5 weeks old it began. She would wake from her last nap of the day around 4-5pm, and an hour later we would try to put her to bed for the night only to be met with resistance. As the minutes ticked away, trying to get her settled, she would become more and more exhausted and the fussing would turn to crying which would turn to screaming! My husband and I would put her in her swing, put our then 16 month old son to bed, and then get right back to the attempted soothing efforts.

This would go on until she finally fell asleep anywhere from 8-10pm. We found that once she fell asleep we needed to camp in the spot holding her for an hour before putting her into her crib. If we tried to transfer her sooner, she would wake instantly and the cycle would begin again.

Some things to bear in mind:

• As with all things baby, this too shall pass. Please keep a positive outlook and know this is only a short season of chaos.
• It is not your fault she is inconsolable. As long as you have tended to her every need, she is simply over tired and does not yet know how to deal with that feeling.
• His digestive system and his nervous system are still very immature. Many professionals (Moms, Midwives and Doctors) agree that these two things contribute greatly to this phenomenon. Only time will mature these systems and our job is to see him through it.
• If you are in the camp of being afraid to create sleep props for your little witching one, please rest assured that does NOT apply here. Do whatever it takes to get your baby and you through these periods. If that involves constant nursing, pacifier use, swing or bouncy seat, sleeping on you, or any other thing that others may frown upon, so be it! If it works, DO IT and feel good about it!
• This is one of the most common age groups (2 weeks-3 months) that Shaken Baby Syndrome happens. As in any age group, and at any time, IF YOU FEEL TOO FRUSTRATED to continue your soothing efforts, GENTLY place your Baby in a SAFE place such as her crib or playpen, and TAKE A BREAK. Call a friend, family member or hotline for support. NEVER SHAKE, OR HANDLE A BABY ROUGHLY, IN ANY WAY.

So what do I recommend? Develop a plan, make sure everyone who will be in contact with your baby knows the rules of your plan, and stick with it. After the first few days that our daughter began exhibiting the witching behavior, I realized something was going on. I quickly learned about the witching hour that so many babies experience, and felt relieved that her issues were typical. I took the suggestions I found from a trusted blog I follow and devised a plan to get us all through this rough patch.  

Here is what my plan entailed:

• Nursed when she awoke from last nap
• About 40 minutes later I began bedtime routine including another nursing
• If she did not fall asleep nursing, or seem relaxed enough to try placing in crib,
• I put her directly in her swing
• and allowed her to fuss and even cry for up to 10 minutes securely fastened in her swing
• if she fell asleep I would leave her in the swing to sleep as long as she wanted
• if the fussing/crying was not tapering off my husband or I would retrieve her from her swing and continue soothing efforts in her room by reswaddling, side laying, shooshing, swinging on our knees and holding a pacifier gently in her mouth. If she was still awake
• once we hit the hour past last nursing mark, I would nurse again...

Often by this point if my husband had her he would bring her to me in our bed and we would quietly watch TV and relax while she nursed again. If she STILL did not fall asleep I would hand her back to my husband and he would soothe a bit and mostly just hold her until she FINALLY fell asleep on his chest. Either way, once she fell asleep we learned to hold her for a good hour before transferring her to her crib. Otherwise, because she was SO overtired, she would wake abruptly and begin the crying again.

Many times, as 8 or 8:30pm rolled around, if she was still witching out I would just call it a night myself. Our Son was about 16 months old at the time and I was quite exhausted from caring for two under two. So I would take my beloved witch and lay down with her in her room. By then, she would always nurse to sleep.

Other times, after holding her the magic hour, one of us would place her into her crib and there she would stay until she was ready for another feeding. Thus, that night's witching hour was over and tomorrow would be a new day! My daughter's witching hour phenomenon lasted from about 2.5 weeks until about 8 weeks. It was not every night, roughly 4 nights per week. Around 8 weeks it became less and less often.



A word on laying down with your baby:

There are many opinions and beliefs on bed sharing with your baby. You can do your own research and decide what you feel is safe. Your doctor will 99 times out of 100 advise against it. If you decide that it is a practice you feel safe with, you may find that it gets you and your baby to the end of a witching episode sooner. Again, do your diligent research and decide for yourself! And if you should decide to try it, follow all recommendations on safe bed sharing/co-sleeping as well as follow your gut.

Sounds simple right? Just plan on hours of soothing rocking and nursing your baby until he finally falls asleep, and know that it is just a temporary difficult time for him, and he needs your comfort. If that is how you feel, and once you find yourself in the throws of it you still feel that way, then kudos to you! You are abounding with patience and grace and the terrible twos and threes will be no problem for you either!

However, if you are like myself and many other parents, you may find facing this every evening to be challenging. Lack of quality sleep from caring for other children, being up with your newborn at night, or stressful work schedules and situations often cause marked decrease in patience, inability to make sound decisions in the moment, increased irritability, and other problems. For the sake of your precious baby as well as your sanity, having a plan in place and adhering to it is key. When your baby begins to mature and grow out of this stage, you will have built trust and secured a bond by being prepared to gently guide him through  his witching hours!

Key Points:

• It is very common for babies to have inconsolable crying in the evening hours
• It is a developmental issue that will resolve itself usually by 3 months of age, so mark your calendar!
• Have a plan in place on how you will get through each episode
• If at all possible, enlist help for soothing your little one during this time
• Don't be afraid to use a swing or bouncer, extra feeding/nursing, pacifiers and other "sleep props"
• Be sure anyone helping with the baby knows to walk away if they get frustrated
• Remember your baby is not crying to annoy you. She is unable to deal with her discomforts on her own. If you feel you cannot soothe her to sleep without getting too frustrated, remember to gently lay her on her back in a safe place (crib or playpen) and take a break.

Upcoming Posts:

Gas and Tummy Issues-HELP! 

Hospital/Birth Center Packing List

There are a million lists out there on the web as to what you should pack for "The Big Day"-Heading to the hospital or birth center for your Little One's debut. I was very surprised that all the lists I found were missing a thing or two. So I decided to add a list to my blog for you as well, along with some tips.

Tip #1 - It really is never too soon to pack. Okay, so you just got your double line or plus sign? Alright, go ahead and wait a bit. But I recommend being as completely packed as you can by 36 weeks. Most will tell you, including your doctor, that you most likely will go at least 40 weeks if this is your first baby. I knew my conception date with my Son so there was no question-I went into labor with him at 38.5 weeks, and my labor was 5.5 hours. Not a lot of time for packing!

Tip #2 - Some items, like your wallet, keys, makeup, and things you use daily will have to be last minute. So have a large ziploc, toiletry bag or purse set out in plain sight on stand-by and large enough to handle all the last minute items.

Tip #3 - Your partner/spouse/friend/mom/sister will probably be packing this bag as you are managing contractions so make it simple. Have a list of items that will need to be packed sitting right next to the bag.

Some Mamas like to pack two small bags. One with items they will need for labor, and one with items they will need after baby arrives. This helps ensure that she or her helper are not digging down to the bottom of a large bag to find chap stick. I used a small suitcase with a couple smaller bags inside to separate things and make it feel more organized. We set the suitcase on the floor near our bedroom door, unzipped, lid up, and a large purse next to it so last minute items could be tossed in either bag quickly.

Everyone has an opinion of what is essential and what is just over packing. My list will be more essential but includes things I wish I had remembered as well. If you are looking for a VERY detailed list I recommend babycenter.com. Here is my no nonsense list:

For Labor

• Place a thick towel or two on your passenger seat of your car in case your water breaks while en route to the hospital.
• Picture ID, Insurance Card, Hospital Paperwork (if applicable), Birth Plan 
• Eyeglasses, in case you have trouble with or don't want to deal with your contacts
• Toiletries: toothbrush, toothpaste, lip balm, deodorant, hairbrush, makeup, and a hair band or barrettes. Contacts and Saline if applicable. Hospitals usually provide soap, shampoo, and lotion, but you might prefer your own.
• Any prescriptions you take
• A bathrobe, a nightgown or two, slippers, and socks. Hospitals provide gowns and socks for you to use during labor and afterward, but you may prefer your own (I did). Choose a loose, comfortable gown that you don't mind getting dirty. It should be either sleeveless or have short, loose sleeves so your blood pressure can be checked easily. I also made sure mine was knee length just in case I had a modest moment. Slippers and a robe may come in handy if you want to walk the halls during labor.
• Whatever will help you relax: This is going to depend a lot on your birth plan. Here are some possibilities: your own pillow, music and something to play it on, a picture of someone or something you love, anything you find reassuring. I personally did not use any comfort items during labor. I used visualization techniques instead, so I did not pack these items.

For your partner/labor coach

• Electronics: A camera or video camera with batteries, charger, and memory card. (Note: Not all hospitals allow videotaping of the birth itself, but there's usually no rule against taping during labor or after the birth.)
• Toiletries: My partner was my husband so I packed a clean tshirt, a long sleeve button down, his toothbrush, comb, deodorant and made sure he had his sunglasses for the ride home the next day in the sunlight.
• Snacks/Drinks: I packed protein bars and bottled water for both of us and soda for my husband.
• Money for parking and change for vending machines: Check with your Doctor, usually you won't need parking money but cash is good for other snacks and incidentals.
• A bathing suit: If you want to take a bath or shower during labor, you may want your partner to get in with you to support you or rub your back.

After you deliver

• A fresh nightgown, if you prefer to wear your own: I stayed in the tshirt I gave birth in after having my Son as it was clean and we went home 4 hours after he arrived. With my daughter, I changed into one of the hospital gowns as my suitcase ended up being left behind in our car!
• Cell phone and charger
• Snacks again: After labor, you will be hungry, and you may not want to rely on hospital food. The birth center fixed us a lovely snack after my first, and the hospital food was quite good where I had my daughter. Whatever sounds good, order it. I had 3 milk shakes in the 24 hours I was at the hospital!
• Comfortable nursing bras or regular bras: Whether or not you choose to breastfeed, your breasts are likely to be tender and swollen when your milk comes in, which can happen anytime during the first several days after delivery. A good bra can provide some comfort, and breast pads can be added to help absorb leaks.
• A couple pairs of comfy panties: The hospital provides mesh one-size undies. Your own underwear will probably hold the HUGE pads you wear in place better than those and will definitely be more comfortable. The hospital also provides sanitary pads because you'll bleed after delivery. Make sure you have a supply of heavy-duty pads waiting at home!
• BRING YOUR BREASTFEEDING PILLOW: Why was this on no list I found on the web? Of course the birth center had these available, but when I asked for one for my daughter at the hospital I got deer in the head lights at first. So bring that Boppy! It will help to have the nurses helping you breastfeed your baby using what you will at home.
• Photos of your other children, if applicable: When they come to visit, they'll see that you haven't forgotten them.
• A going-home outfit:You will still be in maternity clothes, as you will typically still look about 5-6 months pregnant! I brought comfy sweat/yoga pants, a nursing tank top and a roomy hoodie to wear home. You may want something more formal. Don't forget shoes! 

For your Baby

• An installed car seat: Have the seat properly installed ahead of time and know how to buckle your baby in correctly. The hospital will likely require your baby exit their doors strapped into her infant seat. Please have the nurse confirm you have her in correctly.
• A going-home outfit: Your baby will need an outfit to go home in, including socks or booties if the clothing doesn't have feet, and a soft cap if the air is likely to be cool. Make sure the legs on your baby's clothes are separate so the car seat strap can fit between them. I brought my babies home in cute footed pajamas rather than a separates-type outfit. I feel it is more comfy for baby, especially with their sensitive cord stump.
• A receiving blanket: The hospital will provide blankets for swaddling your baby while you're there, but you may want to bring your own to tuck around your baby in the car seat for the ride home. Make it a heavy one if the weather's cold.
• Diapers: If you plan to use natural or cloth diapers you will want to pack them for your baby. The hospital will provide plenty of name brand disposables though.
• Car emergency items: You may want to pack a warm outfit (for winter babies) like a snow suit, hat, extra blanket in the case that God forbid your car breaks down on the way home and you have to wait with your baby in the cold car for assistance.  

Just remember: There are very few items that will present a disaster if forgotten! Probably the only item you would truly regret forgetting would be a camera, as of course you only have one chance to catch each moment. We had our camera available at both births but just were so caught up in the whirlwind and the exhaustion we got very few pictures, and I do regret that. At the time, you may feel ambivalent about it, but in hindsight you might be disappointed. So keep that in mind. And above all, enjoy those first precious moments and hours with your amazing Baby!

Are you 36 weeks or farther along? Then get packing, Mama!

Glossary of Words, Acronyms and Phrases

Here is an ever growing list of words, acronyms and phrases you will come across on my blog as well as likely many others on similar subjects. Please check back often. Some entries are in more than one list to offer more detail where applicable. Hope it helps to clarify a lot of jargon!

Acronyms

SAHM - Stay At Home Mom
BF - Breast Fed/Breast Feeding
EBF - Exclusively Breast Fed
FF  - Formula Fed
W/E/P/S - Wake Eat Play Sleep
STTN - Sleeping Through The Night
OT - Over Tired
WT - Wake Time
OS - Over Stimulated
NCSS - No Cry Sleep Solutions
CIO - Cry It Out


Words and Phrases

Exclusively Breast Fed - Means the baby has not yet started solid foods of any kind, nor does he drink anything other than breast milk

Sleeping Through The Night (STTN) - Has different meanings both to parent and depending on the babies age/stage of development. You may call it STTN as soon as your baby begins sleeping 5+ hour stretches, or you may reserve the term for when your baby is able to sleep from the time you put her to bed, until a reasonable hour in the morning.

Over Tired - Means your baby has gotten past the point of being able to easily fall asleep. Cortisol has kicked in and he is going to have trouble winding back down.

Wake Time - This is the total amount of time that your baby is awake before she is asleep again. This means you time from the moment she wakes up until the time she is actually asleep for her next nap or bedtime. This calculation should include all activities, changing, feeding, burping, bathing, etc. And should consider a window of time it may take for baby to fall asleep either in arms or in crib.

Bed Time Routine - A series of rituals that begin a predetermined time before your baby needs to be asleep for the night. For example, if your baby needs to be asleep by 6:30pm based on his last nap and tired cues, bedtime routine should begin by about 6:00pm and/or should allow enough time to prepare him for bed, wind him down, and feed him. Plus 10-15 minutes to fall asleep in arms or in crib.

Nap Time Routine - Is typically an abbreviated version of the bed time routine. Depending on the age/stage of your baby, the nap time routine may like the bedtime routine include nursing or bottle, so plan time accordingly so baby does not get OT for naptime if routine is started too late.

W/E/P/S - A scheduling acronym which stands for Wake, Eat, Play, Sleep, and is embraced by parents who believe that feeding your baby upon waking, rather than allowing them to fall asleep while eating may prevent a suck to sleep association. It is important to note that most parents who follow this guideline indeed nurse or bottle feed their baby for bedtime.

Sleep Association - A term used to describe something a baby needs in order to fall asleep and/or stay asleep. Some of the most common sleep associations are: motion (rocking, swing, etc.), sucking (breast, bottle, pacifier) and parental presence (cuddling, patting, bed sharing, etc.) 

Witching Hour - The general definition of the witching hour is a period of time during evening hours that your baby cries inconsolably and is unable to sleep for all his crying. It is noted to generally begin around 2-3 weeks of age, peak around 6-8 weeks of age, and disappear by 3-4 months. It is also most often noted to occur between the hours of 6pm-10pm. It may happen every night, or less often. It might start in the early weeks and last a few months, or start later and last only a few weeks. It may be just a couple hours each time or it may be several hours. Some babies don't experience it at all-lucky baby, lucky parents!

Colic - True colic is defined by most pediatricians as 'the unexplained crying in infants between the age of 2 weeks and 4 months that occurs at least 3 hours a day, 3 days a week, for 3 weeks or more.' The crying typically occurs in the late afternoon and early evening hours.

Common Fussy - A label used by Dr. Marc Weisbluth for 80% of babies who exhibit 'normal' non-colic fussiness and crying.

Extreme Fussy/Colic - A label used by Dr. Marc Weisbluth for 20% of babies who exhibit colic behavior and above average amounts of fussiness and crying.

Post-Colic - A label used by Dr. Marc Weisbluth for the 20% of babies who were Extreme Fussy/Colic babies in their early weeks/months.

Calming A Fussy/Crying Baby...Or Not! Pt 2

Let the fun part begin! It is time to get down to it. You have checked everything you can think of that might be causing your baby to be so uncomfortable that she will not stop crying. She has been fed, burped, changed, is dressed appropriately for the temperature of the room, you've worked out any gas that you can, you've checked her temperature and for any signs of illness. She is not teething...but she is still crying. Hard.

What's going on? Here are a few possibilities:

• It is her witching hour and she is over tired
• It's some other part of the day, and she is over tired
• She's otherwise uncomfortable, but you've been down the list and can't pin point it
• She could be gassy and/or have reflux

Most Mamas as soon as they finish checking for all the usual culprits, begin trying to soothe their baby. You may have some things that come naturally to you, like holding close, rocking, nursing, standing and swaying, singing or humming, gently patting the back, quietly shooshing.

I personally never thought I would benefit from a book or DVD about calming a baby. I figured it would come naturally to me. And some of it does. However there are some good folks out there that have done some studying and developed techniques that actually have science attached to them. And often they work! Again, sometimes they don't, and we'll get to that later.

The doctor I was introduced to via DVD through the birth center's required baby care 101 class, was Harvey Karp. He is author of "The Happiest Baby on the Block" and some other great titles and resources as well. My husband and I found ourselves using his techniques right away with our first born and we are still forever grateful. In a nutshell, Dr. Karp believes that babies, especially in the first 3-4 months of life are actually in a "fourth trimester" and often have problems adjusting to the world outside of their mother's womb. (Makes sense to me!) How do they react to this uncertainty? They cry! Dr. Karp's solution is to try to recreate the environment of the womb that your baby is so familiar with. He calls this re-creation process "The 5 S's".


There are 5 parts to his method which, when used together, recreate the womb (as best we can) and often help your baby to stop crying and hopefully to go off to sleep.Some babies will need all five. Our first born did, and we called it "pulling out all the stops". Others, like our daughter, needed only a few and the combination changed often. My suggestion is to "pull out all the stops" and adjust accordingly and as needed. Here are THE FIVE S'S:

1. Swaddling - Correct swaddling provides the continuous cuddling your baby experienced in the womb
2. Side/Stomach Position - While holding your baby, (we always sat down and laid our babies on our lap) place him on his left side to aid in digestion, or on his tummy. After your baby is blissfully sleeping, remember to always lay him ON HIS BACK in his crib to prevent SIDS
3. Shushing Sounds - These sounds imitate the constant whooshing sound made by the blood flowing through arteries near the womb. You can use your own voice to shoosh, or you can use an appliance like a hair dryer or vacuum cleaner. Or you might use a white noise machine. We used all three depending on the circumstance!
4. Swinging - Newborns are used to the constant swaying motion mom's movements caused in their little cocoon. Once your baby is born, this motion is abruptly taken away (along with the tight cuddling and loud whooshing of the womb.) This is why rocking is an age old go-to for soothing babies to sleep, and a more recent technique is the near fail proof car ride! You can gently sway your side or tummy laying baby on your lap. Or if you're able to purchase a  baby swing, it just may change your baby's life and yours!
5. Sucking - "sucking has its effects deep in the nervous system," notes Karp, "and triggers the calming reflex and release of natural chemicals in the brain." This "S" can be accomplished with breast, bottle, pacifier, or even a clean finger

I certainly encourage the purchase, borrow or rent of "The Happiest Baby On The Block". You can rent it from Netflix and other media outlets. Purchase from his site or Amazon. Borrow from the library or a friend. Look on You Tube for video clips of The 5 S's in action to get a good visual of what you will be doing.

Once your baby finally stops crying, and hopefully falls fast asleep, getting her into her crib undisturbed may be a whole other issue. If your baby has been awake for a long time (longer than 1-1.5 hours in the first 3-4 months) and so was very overtired, you may want to WAIT until your baby has been asleep for about a half hour before trying to transfer him. The more over tired your little one was when he finally fell asleep, the easier he will wake and possibly go straight into a wail beginning the whole process over again. You can certainly try laying him straight down. Just be prepared that he may not transfer easily. Look for my post on transferring a sleeping baby for some tips and tricks.

What if you've employed The 5 S's and your baby is still crying? Really? Can this be possible? Yep. I've seen it with both of my babies. Help is on the way. You only have two choices from this point, so it is getting easier as you chip away at the list. Take a deep breath, and read the last part to the series.

Upcoming posts:

Calming A Fussy/Crying Baby...Or Not Pt 3 of 3
The Witching Hour
Transferring A Sleeping Baby

Calming A Fussy/Crying Baby...Or Not! Pt 1

I decided to add the "or not" to the Blog title for reasons that you may appreciate, so please read on!

Tips and tricks to calm a fussy, crying and sometimes screaming baby are the single most important bits of knowledge you should memorize BEFORE bringing home your baby...and sometimes every single tip or trick is tried and still, your baby is crying. Hard. Hence the "or not" in the title.

All babies cry. Many of them, a lot. And a lot more often than you thought they would too! I thought I understood this going in to motherhood. But what I did not have any notion of, is the fact that there would be times that I would be unable to soothe my baby successfully. And that during these times, I needed a plan as to how to proceed from the point of nothing is working, he is STILL crying.

Because I find this topic of utmost importance, I'll make this a 3 part series.
Part 1 will discuss reasons why babies cry
Part 2 will discuss tips, tricks and techniques for soothing
Part 3 will discuss what do do when you've tried everything and baby is still crying

Reasons why babies cry: There is generally one basic reason your little dove might scream her face off at any given time:

• Discomfort 

Your job is to try to make her comfortable enough that she no longer feels the need to cry. Simple, right? Let's break down the category so you will know what to look for first:

• Hunger - Feed your baby! Even if it has only been an hour since you did so. Try again.
• Wet or Dirty Diaper - Change the diaper and apply diaper cream as needed
• Gassy/Upset Tummy - Employ your anti-gas routine which may include giving gas drops
• Other Illness - Take baby's temperature to rule out fever. If you have any question your baby may be ill call your pediatrician. If you do not have a pediatrician call your local hospital and ask for help
• Too hot or Too cold - Baby should be dressed about the same as you with maybe a slightly warmer outfit. I always kept my babies' feet covered too, even in summer
• Something with their clothing is irritating them - Remove all clothing and check for anything that could be scratching, poking or otherwise bothering baby's sensitive skin
• Teething - For older babies, but sometimes as early as 4 months old! Employ your anti-teething-pain ritual which may include OTC medications either natural or other
• And last, but certainly not the last to consider...it is the witching hour and/or he is just plain overtired!

Let's delve a little deeper while we are here...

A few important reasons that babies cry that I have learned in my research from a scientific and/or psychological stand point really helped me to view my babies for WHO they are as little people. And to understand their crying rather than feel helpless and even exasperated when their basic needs are met and they are still crying.

• It is their only form of communication, and it should be respected as such. If the baby is crying, they are expressing an unmet need and the attempt to lovingly and gently determine that need and meet it must be made.
• Their processing of stimulus is immature and therefore overwhelming. Just being a little cool (or warm) or having an itch they can't scratch is a major deal to them. They spent 9 months cocooned in your belly entirely well, safe, and comfortable, the sound of your heartbeat lulling them to sleep. Suddenly they are out and hello big world! It's a lot to get used to.
• Their survival instincts that God programmed into them are in full effect. They know your smell, your touch, your voice, the curve of your chest. But trust and love are still abstract ideas to them. Every moment is an opportunity to teach your baby that you love them, and they can trust you to care for their needs.

Now you hopefully have a sense of why your baby might cry considering both their basic needs and their developing minds. Part 2 is next...we'll talk about some techniques for soothing after all the basic needs listed above have been checked and tended to, and baby is still crying!

Key Points:

• All babies cry. Some do it a lot and are inconsolable
• Have a plan in place for what do to when your soothing efforts don't "work"
• Running through the list of possible discomforts will become second nature
• Whether your baby has true colic or common fussiness, and whether he is experiencing witching hour or it is unexplainable, stay calm and rest assured you and baby WILL get through it!

Upcoming Posts:

Part 2 - Tips, tricks and techniques for soothing
Part 3 - Making a plan for when baby is STILL crying
Witching Hour

Newborn Schedule

One of the many things I wish I'd known before bringing home baby #1, is that not all babies just "sleep when they need to" like so many friends told me. Many babies need a lot of help and consistency from mom and dad to get on a good routine that ensures they get the rest they need for optimal development.

While it is true that circadian rhythm and biological clock play large and important rules in how and when your baby sleeps, there is much that can be done to guide them in the right direction, and get those rhythms and clocks set sooner and to a healthier tune! Older generations and some others may frown on the idea of putting baby on a schedule, but it is proven to be beneficial for both baby and caregiver. Here are some of the benefits you may see from scheduling your baby's day:

• A better rested baby means less fussing and improved ability to enjoy wake times
• Sleep quantity/quality are directly correlated to better physical and cognitive development
• Sleep begets sleep, and the more daytime sleep you can get your baby (within recommendations) the better he/she will sleep at night
• The better he/she sleeps at night, the more rest for caregivers!
• Better rested caregivers are less likely to experience depression and sleep deprivation which lead to a whole slew of other serious conditions not the least being lack of patience and irritability
• General idea of how each day might look from morning til night which for many provides a little order and control amidst the disorderly uncontrollable days with little ones!
• You may be less likely to cause your baby to miss precious nap time and healthy early bedtime
• Putting your baby on a schedule from the start will set a solid foundation for not only good sleep habits that may last a lifetime, but also their future in which schedules are an inevitable part of life

The list could really go on and on, but you get the point, right? So before I post some examples of newborn schedules, let me add one last important note:

Schedules are meant to be a framework. They are not meant to be rigid and unforgiving, nor are they meant to be a bully to you, or your baby! All babies are different. All parents are different. And each day is different. Your baby will have growth spurts, fussy mornings, fussy afternoons,fussy evenings and whole days that are fussy! He/she will teethe. They might catch a cold or have some other illness. They may be gassy and uncomfortable one day or for the whole first 3 months. They may just refuse to sleep for some or all naps for a day or longer.

All of these things are great! It means your baby is normal and you are learning all the tricks and trades needed to care for him/her. Just know that your schedule, as my friend Val says, should serve you. Not the other way around. Don't be a slave to it. Some days it will go off like a dream. Other days it will go completely out the window!

As always, feel free to contact me with any questions and I will try my best to help you make a schedule as well as adjust your schedule to address any issues as they arise.

Sample Newborn Schedule #1
0-4 months
"3 Hour Schedule"

7am out of crib Nurse/Bottle
8am asleep for Nap#1
10am out of crib Nurse/Bottle
11am asleep for Nap#2
1pm out of crib Nurse/Bottle
2pm asleep for nap #3
4pm out of crib Nurse/Bottle
5pm asleep for variable cat nap
5:30/6pm out of crib
6:30/7pm bedtime routine Nurse/Bottle
* Plan for 3 middle of the night feedings (MOTN) through 2 months or longer depending on pediatrician's advice and your baby's individual needs

General Note: Most babies cannot comfortable stay awake for longer than 45-60 minutes in this age range. Your 0-2 month old will hold closer to 45 minutes TOTAL awake time. As he/she moves closer to the 4 month mark, you may see them be able to handle 55-60 minutes. It sounds unbelievable, but go ahead! Keep your baby up longer than 45-60 minutes and you will most likely have an overtired, fussy, inconsolable baby on your hands in a very short time.

Personal Note: At this age our schedule varied as far as morning wake up time due to night feedings and other factors. My daughter had some TRUE MAJOR gas/tummy issues and possibly reflux so after the 2-3 week "baby moon" period was over, her 22-23 hour per day sleep habit began to change. She was exclusively breast fed (EBF). EBF babies tend to eat a little more frequently than formula fed (FF) babies and therefore often require an extra night feeding than what is typical. However if your (FF) baby seems to be hungry before the 3 hour mark, or an extra time at night, by all means, FEED YOUR BABY!

What Our Schedule REALLY Looked Like:

6am woke for first feeding-kept room dark and quiet, changed diaper if needed and nursed back to sleep.
8am out of crib/Nurse-although only 1.5-2 hrs from last feed, always start the day with a feeding
9am asleep for Nap#1
11am out of crib/Nurse
12pm Asleep for Nap#2
2pm out of crib/Nurse
3pm asleep for Nap#3
5pm out of crib/Nurse
6pm bedtime routine/Nurse to sleep

Note 2: Around 2-3 weeks of age The Witching Hour may rear it's ugly head! This will typically only affect your schedule from about the time your baby wakes from the last nap of the day until you can get them back to sleep which could be anywhere from 7pm-11pm!

Some babies never see a witching hour at all. Some start it earlier or later. Some it lasts just a few nights, some a few months. No matter what you and your baby face in sleep and crying issues in the early weeks, you can almost always look forward to it peaking around the 8 week mark and slowly tapering off to a more comfortable routine from there on out!

Key points:

• Set a realistic schedule that both serves your family as well as is reasonable for the typical circadium rhythm and biological clock i.e. 6am-6pm, 7am-7pm, 8am-8pm
• Have your baby asleep before the one hour mark for optimal health and nap lengths
• Be prepared to adjust the schedule as needed for any and all hiccups along the way
• If your baby is hungry outside of the scheduled feed times, FEED YOUR BABY!
• If your baby wakes early from a nap, have an age appropriate plan in place. Follow your plan and adjust your schedule from there.
• Be ready for the witching hour to rock you and your baby's schedule and world for awhile.
• Look forward to the 8 week mark where many babies peak with their digestive issues and witching hour begins to fade.

Upcoming Blog Posts:

• Soothing Your Fussy/Crying Baby
• Surviving The Witching Hour